


Log Date: 7 46 2

by FanGirlFreak16



Series: Peridot's Anxiety [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe), F/F, Falling In Love, Happy Ending, Invasion of Privacy, Lapis Lazuli - Freeform, Mutual Pining, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Peridot - Freeform, Peridot Has An Anxiety Disorder (Steven Universe), Peridot Redemption, Personal thoughts, Pining, Sad Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Sad Peridot (Steven Universe), Sad with a Happy Ending, Snooping, Steven Universe - Freeform, Tape recorder, before barn mates, guilty lapis, insecure peridot, lapidot - Freeform, lapidot angst, lapis lazuli/peridot - Freeform, peridot angst, peridot has a nightmare, peridot has a panic attack, scared peridot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24620686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanGirlFreak16/pseuds/FanGirlFreak16
Summary: Lapis Lazuli was bored. Although she typically had Peridot around to entertain her and to watch Camp Pining Hearts with, Peridot had gone on a mission with the rest of the Crystal Gems. Lapis had been offered the chance to go, however she decided she'd rather stay home. In attempts to deter her boredom, the water gem decides to look at Peridot's room for the first time. One thing leads to another, and before she knows it Lapis Lazuli is listening to Peridot's tape recorder.
Relationships: Garnet & Peridot (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Series: Peridot's Anxiety [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1808554
Comments: 9
Kudos: 86





	Log Date: 7 46 2

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place before the episode Raising The Barn. Contains spoilers for the show. I also wrote this story in one sitting with no breaks when I should be sleeping, so this story will undoubtedly have many mistakes.

Lapis Lazuli was bored.

Although she typically had Peridot around to entertain her and to watch Camp Pining Hearts with, Peridot had gone on a mission with the rest of the Crystal Gems. Lapis had been offered the chance to go, however she decided she'd rather stay home. The mission wasn't anything the five couldn't handle without Lapis. But now that she was alone, looking for something, _anything,_ to do she decided that going would have provided much more entertainment than this did.

She had previously tried to fly around the small town along with the small cities that resided somewhat close to the small city, however it proved to be rather tedious. She had seen all of the cities before along with their surrounding vegetation, or lack there of for some.

After she had done that, she had tried to watch some Camp Pining Hearts. Although the series in itself was entertaining, she couldn't bring herself to continue watching the show. It wasn't the same without the little green gem next to her making witty and sometimes annoying commentary about the events on the show.

So she was back to square one. She was wandering about the barn searching for something to do. She had tried to play with Pumpkin, but they fell asleep after retrieving the stick after a fourth time. She thought about making another meep morp, but without Peridot to help it would have just been a meep.

In short, there was absolutely nothing that the water gem could do.

Wandering around, almost pacing, was boring, but it was about all she could do. She wandered about the base floor of the barn, looking at the previous meep morps her and Peridot had made, the scattered paint cans that Peridot had acquired in efforts to make herself taller, and other random objects.

Lapis was unsure of how or when she had wandered to the second floor of the barn, but sure enough she was there. On one side of the barn was a walled off room that was designated as Lapis's room while on the other side was another walled off room that was designated as Peridot's room. Although gems didn't need sleep, both had agreed that it would be somewhat beneficial to each other if they had their own 'living quarters' like they did on Homeworld in order to sustain little normalcy to their lives. Not that their lives were normal, and definitely not that they missed Homeworld. The two just thought that if they could have a sense of privacy that it would benefit them.

But now that Lapis was thinking about it, she had never seen the inside of Peridot's room. She supposed that that was the whole purpose of having separate rooms in order to keep privacy, but her curiosity was getting the best of her. After taking a quick glance over her shoulders, she silently decided to head to Peridot's room. She didn't think very much of it. Just go in, check it out, head out. It wouldn't be that big of a deal. She knew that if Peridot asked Lapis to see her room, Lapis would let her.

Surely, it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

Lapis made her way to Peridot's room before opening the door and peering in.

She wasn't sure what she was expecting, but what she was met with definitely wasn't it.

Their rooms were very identical in architecture. The ceilings slanted down with the highest part of the ceiling being at the wall where the door was and the smallest part of the ceiling closing the rooms off. There was a window in the slanted ceiling that was relatively chest height for Lapis so it would be approximately head height for Peridot. In the right corner of the room, closest to the closing part of the ceiling, was a fair amount of blankets, similar to Lapis's, however Lapis's blanket pile was at the right corner of her room that was closest to the highest part of her ceiling. Although the blanket pile wouldn't look very comfortable to a human, the gems didn't find it too uncomfortable. Their lack for sleep made them not require too comfortable conditions in order to perform the strange ritual.

On the walls were a couple posters that Lapis could only conclude was given to the green gem by Steven. Everyone knew that Peridot had a small obsession with the little green figures with pitch black eyes that Steven called 'aliens'. The posters contained those figures along with some English text that Lapis didn't really care to read. Under the window sat a telescope that was pointed in some random location. In the right most corner, which was closest to Lapis since the doors weren't really center with the rooms, that was under the high ceiling sat a little desk with papers strewn about.

 _Where on Earth should I start,_ Lapis wondered to herself?

She moved to the desk.

Atop the desk were _many_ papers. Lapis couldn't possibly go through them all if she wanted to. She wouldn't have the time. The ones on top were mainly filled with techno mumbo-jumbo that made absolutely no sense to Lapis. There were many equations set up for no plausible reason. Upon noticing the tablet that Peridot often claimed was her only means of usefulness, Lapis came to the probable conclusion that the equations were just random ones that Peridot had looked up and solved. Whether it was from boredom or sheer curiosity, Lapis didn't know, nor did she care. She moved a couple papers around to inspect whether or not all of the papers were only mindless equations, but upon further inspection, Lapis found something else.

Drawings.

Lapis was absolutely stunned with the first picture she saw. It was a rather intricate drawing of Pumpkin that was complete with shading and coloring. Lapis thought that she was the only one who was interested in art, or at least she had never noticed Peridot having an interest in the hobby. She shuffled through all of the pictures finding other drawings that were just as intricate along with rough sketches and mindless coloring. Then she came across one that left her blushing and in awe.

It was her.

Peridot had drawn Lapis. With incredible detail at that. And paper clipped to the top was Polaroid picture of Lapis. The picture was clearly the reference for the drawing, and the drawing followed the picture nearly to a T.

_Does she...no. She's drawn a ton of pictures of all of us together. This drawing doesn't mean...but I'm the only one she drew alone aside for Pumpkin._

She decided she should stop going through the papers.

She placed the drawings back down and tried to cover them back up with the equations in attempts to keep Peridot from finding out that she went through her stuff. Although Lapis was done with the desk, she wasn't done with the room.

She thought about looking through the telescope, but she decided she shouldn't look through it and move it in case Peridot had it pointed at a certain spot.

That only left the blankets.

Lapis didn't expect to find much there since Peridot didn't sleep much. Ever since she had slept a certain time and experienced a nightmare, it was a very rare instance for anyone to find her asleep. Other than the fact that Peridot's blankets were rather scattered about, nothing was really out of place or of interest to the water gem.

Then something caught her eye.

She moved a blanket out of the way and looked on in curiosity.

Peridot's tape recorder.

 _I thought I crushed_ _that_ , Lapis thought with guilt. She then remembered that Peridot had made the original tape recorder and tape into a meep morp. _This is a new one_.

She picked the small object up and inspected it. She wondered if she should listen to the recordings that Peridot had made, but she immediately felt guilt. _I shouldn't go this far into her privacy_ , Lapis thought with a cringe on her face. Before she could talk herself out of it though, her mind came up with excuses. _There's probably nothing on here that I or the others wouldn't know. She does almost everything with all of us._

And before she knew what she was doing, she had hit the button to listen to Peridot's recordings.

"Log Date: 7 26 2. This is my first entry on here since Lazuli destroyed my other recorder," _And off to a bad start already,_ Lapis thought guiltily. "To catch you up, Steven and the Crystal Gems crashed my airship leaving me stranded on Earth, at which then I despised, without Jasper and without an informant (also Lazuli). They chased me around to try to capture me, which after many failed attempts they eventually succeeded. Yadayadayada, I was evil, I rebelled against my diamond, now I'm a Crystal Gem and am good. Though, I had to work exceedingly hard in order to gain everyone's trust. Especially my former informant's, Lapis Lazuli. In order to gain her trust and to attempt to show her I've changed, I tried to give her my original tape recorder, which resulted in it being crushed. I can't say I blame her, though. I treated her pretty poorly on the ship," There was a long, quiet pause on the recorder. "Peridot, facet five, end log."

 _Not much there,_ Lapis concluded before proceeding to the next log.

"Log Date: 7 27 2. Lazuli and I have fully moved in with each other. As excited as I am to be closer to her and get the chance to know her, I can't shake this nervous feeling. I'm not sure why. I don't think she'll shatter me or attempt to hurt me. Steven would likely be very upset with her if she did that, and I know she cherishes her relationship with him. So I'm not sure where this feeling is coming from. As intimidating as she is, she's seemed to warm up to me considerably since the last time we've conversed. So what is this feeling?" There was another long pause on her end, longer than the previous one. "Is it me? Am I the problem? Maybe I still feel guilty about what I've done to her. Even if I have changed, that doesn't change what I've done to her in the past," Another long pause. "Am I a problem?" Another long pause that lasted at least a minute. "Peridot, facet five, end log."

Lapis's heart hurt slightly after that one. _Peridot's not a problem,_ _she was just doing what she was supposed to do._ The next log started playing immediately after the last one had ended, and Lapis made no attempt to stop it.

"Log Date: 7 30 2. Steven says he wants to teach me how to do the human ritual known as 'sleep'. I don't see a reason for wanting to teach me such a thing, but he's rather insistent on it. I might as well humor him and try to sleep. The others know how to do it. Maybe it'll feel good? I'll update after I've attempted the ritual," There was a short pause before Peridot's voice started back up again. "Oh my stars! Why were gems made without prior knowledge of sleep? The ritual is fantastic! You wake up feeling refreshed and having more energy than before! Sure, it's more efficient for gems to not need sleep, but the feeling is fantastic! Then again, Homeworld wasn't much for _feelings_ in general. Hm. Steven seems to want me to try eating next, but I'm not sure about that. The process seems rather...disgusting. Either way, I want to try this sleeping thing again. Maybe every night like Steven and Lapis! Peridot, face five, end log."

Lapis couldn't refrain from laughing at Peridot's enthusiastic laugh. She began to wonder how old these logs were. Peridot had attempted to eat several months ago after being peer pressured by both Steven and Amethyst. Peridot, although seeming to enjoy the taste of certain foods, hated textures in her mouth and the process of expelling food. She was more open to drinks such as water because there wasn't much need to expel fluids, but food was typically a no go for Peridot, and she rarely drank. _I wonder if she has a log on that,_ Lapis wondered before the next log came on.

"Log Date: 7 35 2. Lazuli confuses me. As different as the two of us seem to be, she makes me feel things that I've never experienced before. My face gets all flustered, and I feel a strong thumping in my chest. I think I've heard this feeling being talked about in Camp Pining Hearts, but I'm not certain. I'll have to research more on it. Anyway, I'm heading to bed. It's late and everyone else is asleep. And by everyone else, I mean Steven, Lazuli, and Amethyst. I don't know about Pearl or Garnet. I know that Pearl is notorious for staring at Steven while he sleeps. I've caught her doing it, and the event is rather...disturbing. To unknowingly have someone watch you while you sleep is terrifying. Peridot, facet five, end log."

Lapis knew about that. Almost everyone did. Lapis wasn't sure if Steven knew about it, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him. It seemed too creepy to her. Lapis was ready to hear the next entry, but what she wasn't expecting was heavy breathing along with sobs. The voice sounded so foreign to her since she'd never really heard Peridot panicked or crying, let alone both.

"L-Log Date...oh who cares!" The voice choked out. "I-I'll never sleep again! I w-wasn't aware that s-scary pictures could appear!" Harsher sobs could be heard over the recording which made Lapis feel a sharp pang in her heart. Everyone had given Peridot such a hard time when she'd came into the den of the house the next morning with bags under her eyes stating she'd had a nightmare and that she'd never sleep again. Steven had offered to listen to what it was about, but Peridot had refused to speak a word about it. "I'm...I-I'm not a monster! I've changed. I've changed, I've changed, I've changed!" Her breathing seemed to grow quicker and her sobs harsher, which Lapis didn't know was possible. "I'm dying, I'm dying!" Peridot's voice wailed. "I'm g-going to shatter! C-Can't breathe!" The sobs seemed to go on for a long time. An hour to be exact. And Lapis listened to every heartbreaking moment of it. For an hour, she listened to Peridot's strained voice sob and her quick paced breathing. Until her voice finally came back on. "I g-guess I should explain," Her voice was calmer this time. "I went to sleep last night l-like I usually do. N-Nothing out of the ordinary. When I fell asleep, instead of g-getting nice pictures and memories, I g-got horrifying pictures. O-Ones that haven't happened," She paused. "Does that mean it w-will?" Her voice sounded panicked once again. "N-Never mind that. The pictures showed m-me. B-But it wasn't me! It...It was like old me! But even then, it was worse! I...I had never once thought about shattering the Crystal Gems when I was a servant under the diamond authority, even when I had the opportunity to! I...I only had the intent to p-poof them! But in the pictures, I had my l-limb enhancers back, and I...and I...I shattered them. P-Pearl, Amethyst, G-Garnet, Lazuli, e-even Steven! I-I'd never do that! I'm the g-great and lovable Peridot! And she'd n-never shatter anyone!" Even more sobs and harsh breaths were heard over the recorder. "I-It's fine. I-I'm fine. I-I'd never do something like that! I'm not a monster! I'm not..." Her voice stopped. She was quiet. There was moving that sounded like she put her visor back on. "I'm never sleeping again."

And with that, the log ended. Lapis didn't know what to think after that one. She'd never heard the green gem in such a state. Even the morning that she had declared she'd never sleep again, she seemed to downplay the dream in comparison to this log. Surely, no one would have made fun of her if they'd heard this. Peridot in full blown panic attack mode was not an enjoyable experience. She should have stopped at that log.

But she didn't.

"Log Date: 7 45 2. The feelings keep coming back. About Lazuli, that is. The flustered face, the pounding in the chest. I've consulted Garnet about it to make sure that I wasn't becoming corrupt, but her diagnosis seemed even worse. In retrospect, it wouldn't be so bad if the feelings were reciprocated by Lazuli, but the probability of that occurring is quite slim. She's laid back and quiet. I'm uptight and loud. She's elegant, I'm clumsy. She's and older gem. An era one. I'm an era two. I don't even have powers. I'm practically useless. What would she want with me?" The hurt in Peridot's voice dripped like poison. The hurt saturated her words. Lapis felt pretty certain about what Peridot was talking about now, and she was honestly shocked. _Does...does Peridot...but why me? I mean I feel the same way, but...why me?_ "She's beautiful. The most beautiful gem I've ever laid eyes on. She's so easy going. I...I never want to be separated from her. Garnet recommended asking her to fuse with me, but...I've never fused with anyone before. And it's a scary thought. Fusing. Fusion. Being there one minute then being one person with another person the next. It's...frightening," She gave a small sigh. "Who am I kidding. Even if I asked, she'd say no. She wouldn't feel the same way. I can't think of the word right now, but I'll update you when I remember it. Peridot, facet five, end log."

_She can't mean-_

"Log Date: 7 46 2. It's love."

"Lazuli!"

The water gem nearly dropped the tape recorder in surprise from her name being yelled. She whirled around from the pile of blankets and looked to the person who had said her name, tape recorder hidden behind her back, although it wasn't worth it. She hadn't had the chance to pause the voice recorder.

Upon being met with an angry looking gem, Lapis smiled embarrassedly. "O-Oh, h-hey, Peridot! What's...What's up? Haha."

Peridot, arms folded across her gem, looked angry. Even as Peridot's captive, Lapis had never seen Peridot genuinely angry. And by Peridot's current stance, something told Lapis that she'd never want to see it again. "I think I should be asking the questions right now," She said in a slightly lower voice, anger still very apparent in her voice. "For instance, why are you in my room? And why do you have my tape recorder?"

Lapis, although she knew there would be no getting out of this one, pretended to act dumb, bringing the tape recorder to her front. "What? This old thing? I...I was just-"

"You were just invading my privacy," Peridot interjected. She began to tap her toe, arms still crossed. "I can excuse coming into my room, but listening to my tape recorder? Do you have any idea what things I use that thing for?!" Lapis could tell that after Peridot yelled out that question that she felt dumb. "Of course you do now," She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, eyes closed and her visor squishing against her head a bit. "What exactly did you listen to?"

Lapis was unsure of how to answer that question. She wasn't sure how many entries Peridot had on the little device. "Just...Just the first couple of entries." She answered honestly.

Peridot opened her eyes, nose bridge still being pinched. "Which is which log date to which log date?"

Lapis had to think back on that. She had been more concerned with the details that Peridot had conveyed in each different log rather than the actual dates. "Um...the first one till the beginning of 7 46 2."

Peridot's eyes widened in fear and her hand fell. "Till when?!" She quickly snatched the still rambling tape recorder from the blue gem and listened intently to the details that her past self had been rambling. After confirming her exact placement, Peridot felt a mixture of anger and embarrassment surge up inside her. "You clod!" She yelled, tears welling up in her eyes. "You weren't supposed to listen to these! I know you don't like me, but I didn't think you hated me so much that you'd want to embarrass me to the extent of listening to my own personal thoughts!"

Lapis felt terrible. The gem she loved felt betrayed and embarrassed all because of her. "Peridot, I-"

"Shut it, Lazuli!" She yelled, stomping her foot. "There's nothing you have to say that I want to hear. You already know all about me! The monstrous pictures I saw that could be a vision, and you already know that I love you! What more do you want from me?!" She yelled as she threw the tape recorder down against the floor. Lapis jumped back in shock as the tape recorder shattered upon impact on the wooden floor. She looked at the little device in sorrow before directing her gaze back to the emotionally shattered gem. Peridot had tears rolling down her face while her teeth gritted together. With a grunt of frustration, Peridot turned on her heel and ran out of her room.

"Peridot!" Lapis yelled after her, arm outstretched in an attempt to catch her shoulder. But Peridot was too quick and was already running down the stairs. Lapis wasted no time in running after her. _I'm such an idiot_ , Lapis thought dejectedly. _I never should have gone through her stuff like that!_ "Peridot!" She yelled again, but Peridot continued to run out of the barn and outside. With a giant breath, Lapis yelled out in an Earth shattering tone. "Peridot!"

It finally got Peridot to turn around, but Lapis could tell she still wanted to run. Lapis knew that feeling all too well. "What?!" Peridot yelled, arm coming up to her eyes to wipe her tears away. Lapis slowly began to walk towards the shorter gem, hoping Peridot wouldn't walk backwards from her. To Lapis's surprise, Peridot stayed planted to where she was. When she was close enough, Lapis took Peridot's hands into her own.

"I'm really sorry I went through your stuff," Lapis started, "it wasn't right of me. I was extremely bored and had nothing to do, and I thought seeing your room would be neat since I'd never seen it before. But one thing lead to another, and my curiosity got the better of me. I shouldn't have listened to your tape recorder," Lapis lifted a hand and slowly brought it to Peridot's face to make sure she didn't flinch back from her. "But I need to get one thing straight at least. I don't hate you. In fact, you're my favorite gem to have ever met."

Lapis could see Peridot fluster. "Haha, you got me, Lazuli. You know, it's not nice to play with someone's feelings, right? I know you know my feelings for you, so I'd appreciate if you didn't-"

"Let me finish, Peridot," Lapis interjected. She began to softly brush Peridot's tears away, lifting her visor up slightly in the process. She knew the smaller gem couldn't see well without her visor, so she refrained from taking it off. "You are an amazing gem. Sure, our first time meeting was rather rocky, but we overcame that, didn't we? And I'm so glad that we did. Because the new Peridot that I know is kind, sweet, intelligent, resourceful, and above all beautiful," With Peridot's face blushing even harder than before, Lapis moved to place a gentle kiss on top of Peridot's gem. "I love you, too, Peridot."

"L-Lazuli," Peridot stuttered, "this joke is really cruel. Come on, stop teasing me and we can forget this ever happened."

Deciding that that the gem kiss wasn't enough, Lapis decided that she had to go a step further. She slowly placed her lips atop Peridot's, her hands wrapping themselves securely around Peridot's waist. Peridot, unsure of what exactly to do simply reciprocated the kiss. When they parted, Peridot had tears of joy rising in her eyes. "You mean it?"

Lapis laughed gently. "Of course." And with that, Peridot threw herself at Lapis, causing the taller gem to fall in the grass. Peridot hugged Lapis tightly, sobbing into her shoulder.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that." She said, snuggling up to her.

Lapis laughed, placing a hand on Peridot's back, making a mental note to tell Peridot that nightmares aren't visions. And to also tell her that the 'pictures' are dreams. "Yeah," She said softly, her other hand making her way up to Peridot's hair. "Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> Like I said, I did this all in one sitting so there's bound to be some mistakes, and it's probably not of the best quality. But it's late and I wanted to finish it tonight, so here you go. Hope you liked it!


End file.
